Flying beans and plates

Reading the last 3 posts it makes it sound like I am always grumpy and angry towards my wife all the time. I need to clarify there is only one thing that really upsets me. But when i do get this upset it has a long lasting affect on me.


2 weeks ago I was up early, working at the computer having already dropped the kids off a their day club. This was when my wife was not helping with the washing up, cooking or washing. I am contended and accepting. This is the way things are. Genuinely.


At about 11am with the OH still in bed I realised I felt very dizzy. I normally don't eat breakfast so this was a bit unusual. By 11.30 I realised I really had to eat something. However.....


I know my wife very well. I I were to eat something without offering her something life becomes quite hard. She is used to me offering her something first. So these are the exact things that went through my mind...


'Yikes.... I am hungry and feel ill.... but I need to offer OH something first or she'll complain or say those ususal So you made yourself something to eat did you?'


'She is still asleep.... should I have these beans on toast now or wait until she gets up and offer her something'


'But I'm too hungry.... I never do this but perhaps I should eat something before I pass out and hope she doesn't wake up'


'It's too risky.... I better wake her up and get her something to eat first.... now where's that left over chinese that she would like perhaps'


'Oh yikes.... can't find the left overs.... better cook her some proper lunch.... ooooh but that will take time and I really feel feint!'


So..... taking a risk I cooked myself some Beans on Toast with a treat of lots of butter.....and took a mouthful.... then....


Down comes the wife quietly, down the stairs. 'Fuck' I thought I got it wrong. Anyway she hovers looking at me. 'So you made yourself something to eat did you?' She says. Well last time she said this she promised me she was only joking and that i should lighten up and enjoy the joke. Well having tried to find these types of questioning jokes funny in the past we have always ended up arguing, but for once.... just once I'm going to take her at face value and and assume she is only joking with me.


She then says again 'So you made yourself something to eat did you?'  I said yes and that I felt feint so I really had to eat something. She said 'it would have been nice to offer me something first'


Anyway we start to go back an forth for about 3-4 minutes about this situation. She then says 'Don't you be getting angry at me because of something you KNOW you have done wrong' Anyway I flip and throw my treasured plate of beans on toast with extra butter down on the floor which shatters into dozen of pieces.


I proceed to storm out the door which I have never done before. She blocks the door and says I can't walk out for something that is clearly my fault.


Anyway. 5 minutes of arguing later on this occasion I give in an just hug her and this calms her down.


We have discussed this a couple of times since then and she still feels it is 50% my fault this argument. To me this is irrelevant. It makes me sad that I have to go through several things before I ever risk cooking for myself again before I've fed others first. The irony is that my wife has only cooked for me 3 times since knowing her for 13 years.


We had a similar argument months before we first split up. Over a drink with a friend. When he asked me a dozen things went through my head of how to handle my OH about this. In the end I left it as 'I'll get back to you I need to talk to my OH first'. She still went mad at me. Reducing me to sobs in the corner of the kitchen. She said I should have asked her before I contemplated talking about going out for drinks with a friend.


It seems wierd writing about this now. Because at the moment, since she has sensed I was thinking of leaving again, she is being as nice as pie. It has confused me.