First post in ages. Since I posted last my Mother in Law has sadly passed away. One minute she was bright as a button, the next, passed away due to stomach cancer. She died peacefully with her friend and family around her.
I have to admit I could not fault my wife in those final 3 weeks. She was loving, caring, bathing and looking after her mum during those difficult times. I saw a different side of her.
A few days ago I recorded onto CD all my wife's mums answer phone messages onto a CD for my wife. During this time I listened to every love filled message that her mum sent to her. There were perhaps about 200 since January.
Herein lies my issue.... my wife painted this picture of her mum being a nag, demanding and hard to talk to and deal with. As a result she often stayed away from her, unless.... she wanted something like money or a present. There were a fair amount of these from her mum I know this for a fact. Some of her mums messages said this, I deleted these and did not put them on the CD. Then the next message would be loving and tender again. A lot though were about missed promises of a visit or getting something from a shop. An underlying feeling of sadness in her.
It never really added up to me, I said to my wife on many an occasion that she should make the most of her mum as she would not be around forever.
I was the one who took the kids to see her each fortnight. My wife rarely went and never took the grandkids to see her. Again, she seemed to only go when she wanted something. She continued with her harsh criticisms for the last several months.
Anyway now I have listened to the recordings I am deeply shocked at the side my wife seemed to paint of her mum. It seems to be sooo wrong. I know she was there in the final 3 weeks, I know she is grieving the loss of her mum.... but I cannot help but be concerned with what I believe the previous situation was.
In fact..... with many other things included.... I have realised I don't like the person I am married to at all. Just before my MIL became ill I was just about to leave.... all that changed with the emotions and closeness that comes with a loss like this. However, for me the emotions are now subsiding and.... I sadly realise I am back in the same situation before it all started, with the same feelings. it appears I just have more evidence for my feelings to be the way they are.
Not to sound callous, but I think your wife is mourning the fact that she no longer has her mum to use. More than likely her efforts over the last few weeks of her mum's life were the result of an ulterior motive.
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