Flying beans and plates

Reading the last 3 posts it makes it sound like I am always grumpy and angry towards my wife all the time. I need to clarify there is only one thing that really upsets me. But when i do get this upset it has a long lasting affect on me.


2 weeks ago I was up early, working at the computer having already dropped the kids off a their day club. This was when my wife was not helping with the washing up, cooking or washing. I am contended and accepting. This is the way things are. Genuinely.


At about 11am with the OH still in bed I realised I felt very dizzy. I normally don't eat breakfast so this was a bit unusual. By 11.30 I realised I really had to eat something. However.....


I know my wife very well. I I were to eat something without offering her something life becomes quite hard. She is used to me offering her something first. So these are the exact things that went through my mind...


'Yikes.... I am hungry and feel ill.... but I need to offer OH something first or she'll complain or say those ususal So you made yourself something to eat did you?'


'She is still asleep.... should I have these beans on toast now or wait until she gets up and offer her something'


'But I'm too hungry.... I never do this but perhaps I should eat something before I pass out and hope she doesn't wake up'


'It's too risky.... I better wake her up and get her something to eat first.... now where's that left over chinese that she would like perhaps'


'Oh yikes.... can't find the left overs.... better cook her some proper lunch.... ooooh but that will take time and I really feel feint!'


So..... taking a risk I cooked myself some Beans on Toast with a treat of lots of butter.....and took a mouthful.... then....


Down comes the wife quietly, down the stairs. 'Fuck' I thought I got it wrong. Anyway she hovers looking at me. 'So you made yourself something to eat did you?' She says. Well last time she said this she promised me she was only joking and that i should lighten up and enjoy the joke. Well having tried to find these types of questioning jokes funny in the past we have always ended up arguing, but for once.... just once I'm going to take her at face value and and assume she is only joking with me.


She then says again 'So you made yourself something to eat did you?'  I said yes and that I felt feint so I really had to eat something. She said 'it would have been nice to offer me something first'


Anyway we start to go back an forth for about 3-4 minutes about this situation. She then says 'Don't you be getting angry at me because of something you KNOW you have done wrong' Anyway I flip and throw my treasured plate of beans on toast with extra butter down on the floor which shatters into dozen of pieces.


I proceed to storm out the door which I have never done before. She blocks the door and says I can't walk out for something that is clearly my fault.


Anyway. 5 minutes of arguing later on this occasion I give in an just hug her and this calms her down.


We have discussed this a couple of times since then and she still feels it is 50% my fault this argument. To me this is irrelevant. It makes me sad that I have to go through several things before I ever risk cooking for myself again before I've fed others first. The irony is that my wife has only cooked for me 3 times since knowing her for 13 years.


We had a similar argument months before we first split up. Over a drink with a friend. When he asked me a dozen things went through my head of how to handle my OH about this. In the end I left it as 'I'll get back to you I need to talk to my OH first'. She still went mad at me. Reducing me to sobs in the corner of the kitchen. She said I should have asked her before I contemplated talking about going out for drinks with a friend.


It seems wierd writing about this now. Because at the moment, since she has sensed I was thinking of leaving again, she is being as nice as pie. It has confused me.

Reasons to leave my wife

My wife has rarely done any housework. And I mean rarely. In 13 years of being together she has cooked for me 3 times and made me about 14 cups of tea. She is very controlling, once making me sob because I had said I was going out for a drink with a friend without talking it through with her first properly. She went mad at me.


I try and convince myself she has a heart of gold. She is very persuading.


You know I think about this hundreds of times a day.... I have always thought that if I left her (again) I would use the above as excuses as part of my reasoning. But yesterday I realised that if I left again, this time for good, I would just keep it at 'because I don't love you like that anymore'. It might seem simple to everyone reading but this is a big breakthrough for me.

Who is Karen?

3 years ago my wife became literally unbearable. She shouted, was moody and left me to do literally everything around the house. To make matters worse she shouted at me for 'not doing my jobs properly'like putting the wrong colours in the washing machine. To sum it up she shouted once 'I know I don't do any jobs but if I did at least I would do them properly!!!'

She has always been difficult and notoriously lazy. I could handle that but the one thing I could not handle was being shouted out for trying my best at things.

Anyway during that time I discovered Twitter. I began talking to a woman call Karen. I did not notice her at first but she came onto me, payed me compliments, said I was funny and I looked a bit closer. Looking at her photographs I saw how beautiful she was. Well she was too me.

Over the next few months she was going to try and come and live in Manchester from Cape Town . However she could not in the end get a Visa so it all fell through. We stayed very close for the next few months and then it ended. Quite suddenly. I was devestated.

Anyway.... to cut a long story short I am still in love with Karen. I think about her dozens of times a day.... sometimes all the time.

3rd Attempt

I have started and deleted 2 other blogs now. This matter is so important to me it has taken until now to work out what it is I want from the title. I guess it is important to everyone who writes a blog given that some many other titles are taken when you check the availability.


It is nice, I have to say, to start this blog when my mind feels clear of all the turmoil that goes on every second of every day. Well turmoil is a bit harsh perhaps... perhaps a word a simple as busyness would be more appropriate. My mind is pondering, thinking every minute of every day. Despite being married I think and dream about being with Karen about 30-40 times a day.