The Happy Panda

Here is a lovely picture of a Panda as my mind is not quite so happy at the moment... and it sort of compensates in a way for the negative nature of my blog thus far.

Having believed I have made up my mind to leave I am starting to put some strategies in place. As what I want to do is so serious in my mind I also have backup strategies in place! So the first thing is to get a good job and get a large salary again. So my first thought is to get back to the high paying job so that at the very least I can give my OH a good allowance and at least compensate in a small way for leaving her.


I am not keen on going back to long hours and management again but I am very qualified for this and it would be a means to an end for the next few years at least until the store has established itself.


There are odd tinges of nervous excitement about being single again. Strangely the biggest thing on my mind however is my wife's ability to cope without me. I know this sounds very arrogant. Tonight after a full day at work I took the kids to the park, fed them, washed up, tidied, did more washing read them stories and put them to bed. You would have thought the thought of being free from all this work cheers me up but in reality I am scared how my wife will cope when she suddenly finds herself having to do it all herself.


I hate being angry with her, well not angry but disappointed. I want to think.... well she can now make up for the last 13 years of leaving me to do it all! But my mind does not work like that and just feels plain old guilty about leaving her in the lurch and ruining her life.


Anyway, I might have, well I should have, this job interview in the next few weeks at a lovely high performing school. If I get the job this will change everything, give me many more options so I'll just focus on that for now.